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The Art of the "No": Turning Rejection into Redirection
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We all face it: the cold email that goes unanswered, the job that goes to someone else, or the person who just isn't interested. In this episode, we’re taking the sting out of rejection and turning it into a stepping stone. Host [Your Name] dives deep into the psychology of why rejection hurts so much and, more importantly, how to rebuild your confidence after a blow.
- Detach your self-worth from external validation.
- Reframe the narrative from "I am a failure" to "This isn't the right fit."
- Build resilience and use the "no" as fuel for your next move.
Welcome And Theme
SPEAKER_01Welcome to the 293 Co podcast. Today's episode is rejection. Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_00Let's get into it.
Defining Rejection Beyond The Negative
SPEAKER_00So, what do rejection look like for you? For most people, it's going to look different in different ways, different forms, different techniques. Explain it. Okay, so like for one, rejection from your family, rejection from your friends, rejection from relationships, rejection from your job. So the thing of it is that when you hear the word rejection, we always think in a negative manner, right? That's true. But sometimes you have people where they look at rejection as a way of positivity, motivation, determination. So it's like sometimes we have to sit back and reflect on how the rejection is going to affect us as we go on in life. Meaning, is we gonna let it get us down? Will it put us in a de a depressed state? Or will it motivate us to be able to prove everybody wrong or prove yourself that you're better than what people portray you to be? So let me ask you this question. How do you look at rejection?
SPEAKER_01It can be a positive negative for me. Okay, in what way? If I get rejected for like a pro a project. That's a positive that makes me wanna grind more. If I get rejected talking to somebody, right? Right. That's a negative, but then it's like then it turns out to be a positive, because then they may be crazy. That is true. That is true. Which is true. So I mean it has so many meanings. Like as a child, when you get rejected and you told no, it's a negative feeling, right? Right. First time your parents tell you no, it's just a how could you tell me no?
SPEAKER_00But I think also in the key fact, when you think about childhood, you gotta look at this situation of how that child is being brought up. Is it a child that's coming from struggle? A child that's coming from whether it's being spoiled and like no it's not in the vocabulary until they hear it for the first time?
SPEAKER_01No, I think any child though, if you think about it, because when they first start off and you and they get older, they start getting to that point where they're walking and crawling.
SPEAKER_00You tell a baby no, look at their face. Well, yeah, that's the beginning stages. But you but look, there's that 1% where you get kids, you tell them no, and they look at you like, I'm about to do it again. Uh you got those out there where no still means nothing to them. I got a grandchild like that. See what I'm saying? So it's like when they hear the word no, they use that as motivation, like, I'm still gonna be bad now. What? They're like little Chucky. Yeah, I gotta tell them no, then I gotta follow up. On the no. I'm gonna whoop your ass. Because you know what the thing of it is, is that some kids, they look at no as a challenge. Yeah. You be like, you know, when you tell a child, be like, don't you go in that refrigerator, and they're looking like, what you gonna do about it? You know what I'm saying? No is like a different type of, you know, power for them where they're gonna be like, I'm gonna test you because kids watch what parents do if they're no longer consistent.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00You can't be, you know, parenting your child and being the jump rope method. You know, sometimes you want to jump, sometimes you don't, sometimes you double dutch, you know what I'm saying? Where it's like you're going back and forth. It's a double dutch stage. You know, so the thing of it is when it comes to stuff like that, you know, we learn no at an early stage, but it depends on how no is implicated into what the person of the higher authority is saying to you. And it gravitates into adulthood. How do we look at the word no in rejection?
SPEAKER_01I think uh in our era, no is always like if you look at it, a lot of people were told no in our era. Like, no, you can't like that. No, put that shit down. No, I will not date you. No, you can't eat that. No, so we got used to that rejection and like oh okay, well then move on. Now, the younger generation, when they get told no, it's and they have to deal with that rejection. Emotionally, they're not regulated, I feel like. No, you're writing like a lot of stories, news stories where like a guy will make a pass at a woman or a young girl, and they'll tell him no. And it's hard to deal with that. Prime example was Chicago. You know, someone told a young girl told a young boy,
Childhood No And Consistent Parenting
SPEAKER_01no, he came back and shot her and killed her. Yeah, I saw that.
SPEAKER_00And it's sad because, you know, that's why they got all these reality shows out right now. You know, people watch them and stuff, but it's like, hey, these are life lessons and signs that you need to look at because people do not know how to handle rejection now. And you absolutely right. In our generation, no what's like in the vocabulary. And but you know, back then we looked at it like, well, you told me no, but I'm gonna find a way to get it anyway. So it was come, you know, that's how the word hustle got created. We hustled to get it. You know what I'm saying? If somebody told us no, they're looking at it like, what you gonna do about it to go get it?
SPEAKER_01You know? But I think the kids, the younger kids take that too far. You know, I remember, you know, my uncle saying, if someone tells you no, you know, they go you want to get more no's than yes, right. Absolutely. Figure out. Keep grinding, keep grinding. Now you tell these young kids, well, you're gonna get a lot of no's before you get a yes. And they're like, well, shit, I'm gonna just take it. Yep. See, you see the the difference? Like they just I don't know if they can comprehend, or maybe we gotta dumb it down and explain to them when we mean, you know, you're gonna get a lot of no's before you get to yes, instead of just like, I'm gonna go steal that shit, I'm gonna take it. It's mine, grimy.
SPEAKER_00Like that type of, but also just like what I said earlier, kids, some kids develop that at an early age. They will test their parents and it starts in the toddler stage and it progresses. You know what I'm saying? When parents tell kids no, and like when kids be like, okay, well, I know I'm about to be in trouble, but they know their parents ain't gonna do nothing besides yell at them or whatever, they continue to stay in that mode.
SPEAKER_01Because parents now these days are not consistent, but a lot of parents are mentally drained. That's too, being a single parent, and that's another thing, is being a single parent and working, and we live in America where working around a clock, you have to work around a clock or two jobs or three or maybe four just to survive, right? Right. Food is at its all-time high. I mean, gas is at its all-time high, cost is at its all-time high, and we're trying to figure out how to rob from Peter to steal from Paul. Is that the and you know what?
SPEAKER_00And it's kind of like it's kind of like that. Or ride from Peter. One of the two. One of the two, you know, it's gonna interact regardless, right? But you know, the thing of it is the other difference is with our generation, right, and how things are now, is that for a lot of us growing up, our parents sometimes gave us a definition of the word no, because the bills had to be paid, clothes on your back, lights had to be on. You know what I'm saying? How many times we used that was a daily routine. You heard that about anything that you asked for. So when we saw our parents struggle, but still provide it. So we knew the value at a dollar at times. Kids these days don't know a value of a dollar. They just be like, well, mom and dad, you working, so why can't I have it?
SPEAKER_01Well, you know, you gotta still think single parents back then was consistent.
SPEAKER_00They was consistent. But then, you know, back then too, we also had the accountability of like, hey, our parents showed us how hard work is supposed to look, and here's the reward. In some families now, there is no knowledge of teaching the kids of what it takes to get what you want. They just get it.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're going off of their parents, and that's another thing. There's uh ups and downs to everything. Yeah. So what decade it is. I mean, if you went through the struggle and you're working all this time and you look at your son or your daughter, you don't want them to grow up and doing the same thing you do, right? Because you know how hard it is. But you're not really looking at the piece where what kind of human did it make you? Morally, you know, value-wise, what kind of human did it make you? We're looking at, well, this caused me a lot of trauma. I don't want my kid to go through the trauma, and that's where a lot of parents now these days are getting to that situation. Well, I don't want my kid to struggle like I struggle.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you hear that a lot. And especially with like, you know, you got kids out here, 15 years old, 16 years old, and their parents buying them Mercedes and you know, BMWs. Like, if you don't go buy a car out of somebody's yard and make that child learn how to like, you know, build a car, it's kind of like build a bear. But you know what I'm saying? It ain't gonna be the best car, but then you're gonna learn how to maintain it to keep it running. You see what I'm saying? It may have some bald tires. You're gonna learn how to change the oil, all that kind of stuff, so you have the responsibility. So, and then at the same time, if your parents say, Well, you don't have to worry, I just want you to go to school and nothing else. Okay, fine doing. But at the same time, that child still needs to earn things instead of you just saying, Well, oh, they're a good kid, so they deserve it, and here they
When Rejection Turns Dangerous
SPEAKER_00go. What do they do?
SPEAKER_01Or like, oh, they're in school, so that's a lot of work. Work is gonna be work. This is one thing I never understood is your child goes to school, right? Just like you go to work. The difference is we'll get paid and won't get paid in grades, right? Right. You know, the thing is they're like, well, it's a lot of work. They have to put on a lot of work, so I don't want them to do any chores, I don't want them, I just want them to focus on school. So you're telling me your child can drive two lanes? Right.
SPEAKER_00Like, so what happens when they become an adult? They don't know how to accept rejection because they never had to with their parents. And that's where it comes in when you go into adulthood, you get people out here that it devastates them to hear the word no. And you think about it, okay, you know, charity men, you we athletes. We come from the athletic world. We built around sports. Like that was a part of our life, you know. And the thing of it is, just like in the sports, the sports world, rejection is hard to take sometimes because, well, number one, it depends on your coach. I'm gonna just put that out there, you know. But I'm gonna talk, I'm gonna talk from it from like the professional level, right? After going from college to the professional level, the thing of it was for me was you had to learn a different role play. So, you know, when college and in high school, we end up having to compete for our position before the season started. And you had to continue to hold that position when, you know, in order for you to still be a starter or get your playing time and vice versa, you're like your numbers was like the go-to. But when you get to the professional level, you already built a resume. You become that investment, right? So when they bring you in and they be like charity, you know, here's the facility, here's all this stuff, this is what we expect from you, this is how much you're gonna be getting paid a month. They put that investment on you. The thing of it is that change where it's the hardest way to taking it rejection in this professional level is when you hear that like your time is getting cut short. You either being traded, yeah, or another person comes in and you feel like, well, dang, I gotta fight for my position, but I earned my way to the spot. You see what I'm saying?
Hustle Culture And Learning Dollar Value
SPEAKER_00So the thing of it as a professional athlete, it gets to you because you look at all the hard work, the time, the effort, and everything you put into it to get to the highest peak, and then the rejection looks totally different because it's just like, hey, we all getting paid, but we're getting paid differently. And then you got management over the coaches. So at any given time, if somebody wants to make a change when it comes to your playing time, to when it comes to you being traded, it's out of your control. And so the thing of it is as a professional athlete, even nowadays, when I see like in other sports, rejection is really hard to take because you don't know how to gather yourself anymore. It's not like, you know, like when I played college basketball, it was different because it was just like if I had a bad game or whatever like that, you know, culture be like, hey, what's going on or whatever that next game, you got to be able to redeem yourself. Practice, you redeemed yourself. You know what I'm saying? And it wasn't like somebody was, you were still competing to keep your position, but it wasn't so hard to keep your position. On a professional level, you have one or two bad games. Hey, they already calling up saying, Hey, we're gonna bring this person in, talk it to your age, hey, you about to get traded. Hey, we're gonna reduce your playing time. When you get in reduced playing time, that's cutting into your pay. That cut that's that's that that cut into like your livelihood because you still as an athlete is trying to survive.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00So rejection is so hard because like when you got rejected in youth sports, you got rejected in high school and you a young kid, what did everybody tell you? Hey, it got taken from you, right? You use that as motivation. When you get to the professional level, it's a little bit harder. You can, it's harder to motivate yourself, but it's also harder too because as an adult, all you got is you. Then as an adult being in another country, you know what I'm saying? So rejection looks totally different from what you used to in the sports world of being like, hey, I just see this as motivation. I'm gonna get back to it. When you're on the professional level, you're getting paid, they bringing you in, and you're supposed to be the star player, it's already a lot of pressure built on top of that. But then when you're not performing the expectations of the management, the organization, you're looking at it like, man, this rejection looked real because like this is my job, this is what I do, and now I gotta get bumped and I'm going somewhere else, and then you starting over. That's true.
SPEAKER_01You know what I'm saying? So it's just like it this way. If you're a star athlete and like you're a really good athlete, and you start from let's say elementary all the way up, like you're used to like being on that pedestal, right? You're used to being that number one, everybody sees you. You know it is addictive. I know it's addictive. It is, and then when you get to a high caliber game like professional sports, like I've never played professional sports, but I'm pretty sure when you get to that high caliber game, like there's a business. It's no longer about that star. I mean, you still that star, but can you produce? Right? It's like any CEO VP of a company. I need you to make sure this shit is running and bringing in the revenue.
SPEAKER_00It's a product. The thing about being a professional athlete, you know, it was something I always wanted to do as a kid, and it was like, boom, I'm gonna make it. And I got there. The hard part that nobody ever told me about was the mental part of it. Because my mental has always been in the back. You know what I'm saying? When you get to that level, nobody gives a damn about your mental, and mental health wasn't really that, you know, popular and known now where it's become a factor where everybody's talking about it. But when you get to that point and you realize all the pressure and everything that's been invested into you, and you become that person of like, well, damn, I can't let nobody down. And then you realize, like, from the organization and from the management and from the coaches and stuff, you're not allowed to have a bad game. That is no such thing, even from the fans. And you know what? Like, I look at sports totally different because the thing of it is, even like with basketball, I hardly ever watch it. Now, I love the game of basketball. It got me to where I got to be able to go across the world, see new things, explore and stuff. But actually sitting there physically watching it, there's a piece of me where it's just like I'm disconnected from it because I know the back ends of being that app, that professional athlete and what it comes with. So the thing of it is rejection is hard. But like when I see them females or the guys out there missing shots and they having a bad game, and you watch ESPN and you see the analysts and everybody talking negative about that player, we forget that they're also human. Yeah. We think robotically, we all do it unconsciously, even when like on Sunday, Sunday night football or whatever, and we watch it, oh, I'm gonna make, you know what I'm saying? You're getting rejected on so many different levels. Like, you know, you get a lot of athletes that be like, hey, I don't even watch ESPN or anything when they in the season because you got to hear the rejection and the negativity when people say, Oh, they should be traded, this and that. But nobody, unless you actually been on that level like and been rejected in so many different ways, they won't get it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, definitely. I feel like the game has changed. I mean, since especially since women basketball has been like a top seller for some of these top CEOs in the VP, it it's changed. Because remember back then, even when WNBA started, it wasn't nothing like that. It was nothing like that. We knew we knew things were gonna be consistent, right? Right. So now I feel like the consistency, like, they don't see you, like you said, they don't see you as an athlete, they see you as a product. That's what you become. The rejection, probably like, like I said, when you get to that level, because you're used to everybody saying yes, yes, yes, as you a star player. Yeah. And then you get to that level, and the rejection is a little bit harder. You start feeling, you start finding out, oh, you struggle with your mental more than a than the norm. Yeah. So rejection is, you know, all across the board difficult for starters, I feel like.
SPEAKER_00It really is, because you know what? I'm gonna be real with you. Like when I started playing middle school basketball, right? First time I ever played organized basketball was seventh grade in middle school. And my first year, I was horrible. And it was because it was mostly stage front. I didn't, I didn't like put, you know, playing in front of a bunch of people I've never done it before because I didn't grow up playing organized sports. I always played in the backyard, you know, and you know, everybody knew I could play the game. Seventh grade year, horrible. Eighth grade year, boom, I'm breaking records. I'm breaking records. What do you mean you did horrible? I did horrible my seventh grade year because I had to get used to playing in front of a crowd. Explain that. Well, first of all, when you got your family members
Pro Sports Pressure And Mental Health
SPEAKER_00here, like you shoot the ball, you better than that. You know what I'm saying? It was more of a stage fright. Yeah. I've never played or what I'm saying is like the game, or but I was also in my head because I was like, instead of taking open shots, I'm passing the ball. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to be a team player. But I'm the best one out there. Because I play all the time. You see what I'm saying? But I never play organized sports where I showboat it. I was never that player to showboat or anything. So everybody getting on me because they know what I can do when I'm not doing it. That's what I mean by I was playing horrible. You know what I'm saying? I got my points, don't get it wrong. But then I get to a certain point, like, oh, I already done scored 18 points. I don't need to shoot no more. Stuff like that. Or my coach, mad. Yeah, I was that kind of player. So I had to learn how to be like, hey, in order for you to help your team win, we need you to shoot the ball. Like quit passing it to everybody else, and some people wasn't even coordinating, you know what I'm saying? So then once I got that established, I was cool because like they wanted me to play uh varsity in high school, and then the school had a whole thing. Principal's like, no, Boni just need to play here. But I did go during the summer and went to varsity camp with the high school. So it was like, I was I was that person, you know what I'm saying? But the thing of it is, is that like I tried to make sure I shared it with everybody, and so everybody be like, you need to be more aggressive and just take over. That was never me. But then I had to learn it, right? Then, you know, because I still want to be, hey, I want to win, I'm gonna get my points, but I want to be behind the scenes. And you could I couldn't do that. I nobody allowed me to do that.
SPEAKER_01See, yeah, you you you started, yeah, a little late. Because even in high school, like middle school, they do that too. Because I started way before, like, I was in elementary playing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so you know, things was back then in the south or whatever. We ain't have nothing free. So it was just like, but look now, but running games like in the yard, be small, real tall. You know what I'm saying? So like everybody knew what I could do. I mean, I'm out there killing the boys straight up. I mean, because that's all I played with was the boys. So like playing against the girls to me was it was not hard. Yeah. You know, but the thing of it is, I would dumb down my play to try to, you know, blend in because I didn't want to be the outstanding person. And everybody was like, nah, that ain't gonna work. Do what you do, you know, because everybody knew what I could do. So, but my eighth grade year, I just came out there and I did what I needed to do, and then it was just like boom. That it would everything blew up all the way throughout high school, going into college and everything. Yeah. Yeah, I've been learning those days. But it just like rejection was hard and you had to learn it on so many different levels. You do.
SPEAKER_01You have to learn it on so many levels. Even as
Stage Fright And Finding Confidence
SPEAKER_01a parent, damn, you know.
SPEAKER_00You gotta learn it on that level. But I'm gonna tell you the other thing that kind of messed you up as an athlete, though, is like when you've been an athlete, right? And then you try to get into a relationship, then you gotta learn how to accept rejection in a relationship. You know what I'm saying? Because you think, like, you know, you could be with a person and you think everything is good and everything's going right and you can have conversations and all that kind of stuff or whatever, right? But then the thing of it is, is that when the other person is thinking you rejecting them, you know what I'm saying? Because it go both ways. Either you getting rejected or they think they being rejected. You know what I'm saying? Because you come from two different avenues. How do people cope with that? Because that look different too. And that's when people end up on Snap or Wives with Knives and all that kind of stuff. I'm just saying though. So you don't be watching enough of them thriller shows and stuff to keep up with that.
SPEAKER_01I watch thriller shows, but I'm telling you, I think in real life, I've seen it done. I've seen it done in real life, and that's what scares me.
SPEAKER_00And that's the thing, because you know what? You really have to go back to like previous podcasts that we had where we were talking about, you know, when you talking to a person, no matter you could be like, oh, we known each other since we was Jay High. That don't mean nothing. Because one of y'all can end up being like, you know, on snap. And that has happened because people be like, well, oh, we grew up and all this other stuff. Yeah, but you know what? Lil Johnny may live three blocks down and y'all play hot scotch together or whatever, or Xbox or whatever it may be, but you still don't know little Johnny.
SPEAKER_01Well, you don't know him on an intimate level, you know him on a friendship level, and then especially when you're young in high school, the the love is different. It's different, the vibe is different, you know what I'm saying? So we're trying to figure out what love is, and so when you get hurt in your relationship, you're like, oh bitch. Yeah, you know, but I don't know. I've I've seen like I have friends that dealt with crazy relationships, and that part where I was just like, nah, fuck that.
SPEAKER_00But see, also that's what but see, that's where DV comes from too. You know, you get husband and wife in a relationship, the wife be crazy or whatever, and be like, well, you ain't gonna leave me, and then they locking each other up in the bathroom or whatnot, or you know, threatening each other with knots, all kinds of crazy stuff. You know what I'm saying? But see, that's when relationship, you know what I'm gonna say, go from sugar to shit. So you really gotta be able to know somebody's mental level and what's gonna rise them with that because sometimes, you know what, just like this though, you've been in a relationship for a minute, and then like that's all you know is each other. So they're gonna be like, Where you think you going? You ain't leaving me. And so most people be like, you know, I'm gonna take you out. I had a classmate who died under that same situation, you know what I'm saying? So it's just like it's real, but then people don't really know, like I said, people really don't know what goes on behind class closed doors because people now, especially like this day and age, people sometimes don't have people to talk to. And sometimes you got to think about it. When you know you're with the wrong person, right? And you may not have that friend that you can just be open and vulnerable with, you're gonna always feel like when you're around that person and they know that the person that you're with ain't about anything, what you gonna do? You're only gonna tell them the good stuff about a person because you don't want your friends to only think of the negative stuff. So then you try to deflect them away from the negativity. So you gotta have friends that's gonna tell you straight up, hey, that motherfucker ain't shit. You can do better. Nah, you know what I'm saying? Like for real though. Like, I mean, because how can you call each other friends if you can't hear what they're saying because you're gonna see their comments as rejection. So you're gonna feel like this person over here, you gotta protect, even though you know you're about to go home and be mad all day. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Now, at the end of the day, we know everybody all grown. You're gonna do what you want to do. But as real friends, you should be able to tell your friend, you know that motherfucker ain't shit. Ain't gonna never be shit. You can do better. But you know what? Hey, we friends, you gotta be over there in that. But just let you know we know what's going on, we'll support you as a friend, but we don't we don't support the behavior. Right. We don't support the relationship, but like at the end of the day, you a grown adult. I'm just saying though. But a lot of times, sometimes you gotta ask people about their childhood because that'll tell you a lot about people too. Absolutely. On how they are as an adult. Because at it at the end of the day, especially like, you know, when we think about it, we all have mental problems. Some people's mental problems are higher than others. Some of us is on medication to maintain it, you know what I'm saying? But the thing, the one key thing about it is you could tell a lot about a person in their childhood. Because we carry around the inner child with us every day. When they start talking and you know, certain stuff starts coming out, you'd be like, oh shit. Yep. You be like, this motherfucker right here. For real, though, you gotta really get to know a person. That's why I feel like when people get to know each other, right, you can see key signs of things that they're gonna not be okay with. You gotta look for the reject rejection part of it. You know what I'm saying? Because life, we always gonna be in places and times where uh uh codependency, you're not gonna deal with rejection, though.
SPEAKER_01They're not. And especially if you're a narcissist, you're definitely not gonna deal with rejection.
SPEAKER_00Oh, when it comes to a narcissist and rejection, it's just like they have an allergic reaction. You know, they oh, you be like, no. They be like, oh, like Mufasa. Yeah, why would you tell me no?
unknownUh-huh.
SPEAKER_00And then you got to remember, well, why would I tell you yeah? You know what I'm saying? Sometimes, like, you know, with that situation, it is hard. It's
Relationships, Boundaries, And Red Flags
SPEAKER_00very hard.
SPEAKER_01Even kids with autism, you tell them no.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01See, Christian's different. He's very different because I mean you tell him at a young age. I didn't tell him that nigga all. No. Uh-uh. Get a job. When you get a job, then you can get whatever you want.
SPEAKER_00Well, see, you know, I just grew up, I tell people, we're in a recession. You ask for something, let me tell you about the value of a dollar. You gotta just give them the history of it. They don't be wanting to hear that. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01No, you absolutely. So rejection is just one of those. It can be good or positive. I mean, positive or bad. You know what I mean? And I feel like it's how you take in how you emotionally as in how you deal with it, you know. Right, right. Can't emotionally now these days, emotionally can't deal with it. In our era, it's just like you tell us now. Yeah, we'll find another way. I'll just go on to the next. You know what I'm saying? But it it times in different, and when I say different, I mean people are not emotionally regulated. And you're gonna have to and here's maybe we should talk about the red signs, red flags with that, because with rejection, you'll before you reject that person, you can pretty much see some of those red flags.
SPEAKER_00You can. But I also I also think with rejection, right? I think the thing that we really miss when it comes to talking about rejection is it's okay to be rejected, right? But the thing of it is, if you're gonna reject somebody, you gotta be able to tell them up front why they're being rejected. And it has to be valid. And what I mean by valid, I'm somebody in certain situations, you know, sometimes it has to be valid.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's some some situations it has to be valid, but some other situations, like if you're touching a girl and she says no and you keep going because you can't deal with that fucking rejection of no, that's a problem. It's common sense. No me no. No, me, no. Yeah. Yes, mean, yes, no, me, no. So if you are crossing boundaries and you can't deal with the word no, that's it, there's an issue.
SPEAKER_00Especially like if somebody don't like you and you into them and they telling you no, it's like, bro, look, go talk to your mom and daddy about it, or whatever, do whatever you gotta do. But like you can't force somebody to be with you. And the same way with females, you can't force somebody to be with you.
SPEAKER_01And it's okay to reject people. I'm gonna tell you this now. Men, women, whoever you are, if somebody approaches you and you say no, it's fine. Don't feel like you
Work Rejection And Knowing Your Worth
SPEAKER_01have to like, well, if I say no, you know, this might happen, or you know, he might not give me money. No, it's okay to say no.
SPEAKER_00And then also like rejection in the work uh atmosphere. Oh, God, that's even worse. That's more complicated because sometimes it just depends on like if, excuse me, if somebody gets a promotion over you, and you be like, well, I earned that promotion or whatever, because I done all this stuff or whatever, like that, and they just gave it to this person and they want to say this person more qualified because I may not have this degree and that degree, the rejection look real. The rejection is real there, but the thing of it is, is that like you gotta take a step back and look at like how much the company took advantage of you.
SPEAKER_01Right. And look at your worth. You know, they're using your worth. You don't even know your worth, but they know your worth.
SPEAKER_00And so they're gonna use you up. And reject, like I said, rejection looks different for everybody. Sometimes people get hurt in their feelings when they get denied when it comes to like, like I said, sports, workplace, or whatever, and they be like, well, oh, they gave this to this person over me or whatever. Sometimes you gotta look at your environment and be like, you know what? Like you said, I know my worth. You gotta ask yourself, what is my purpose? If your purpose is no longer needed or fits you in that environment, that's when you gotta be like, it's time to move on, and you can give up. Look, I'm rejecting y'all now. You know what I'm saying? So it's like we really have to process what rejection looks like. Because even at the times where we think it's the worst in that moment because of how it makes us feel, sometimes it's the best decision for us.
SPEAKER_01It is like getting rejected from your your college. Let's say you pick a favorite college and you've been banking on that fucking college. Getting rejected is not a bad thing. Nah, you're right. Because maybe that college wasn't for you. Yeah. Or getting rejected, prime example. Damn scholarships. Or like grants, that that hit hard. You I mean, you put in a lot of work for grants.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's take a lot of writing too. Yeah. I remember I did it was one of these grants. I it was, oh, it was brutal. It was called chicken and waffles. Fuck, that was brutal. And I mean, I had to get everything down. It was for film. And then when I got a rejection letter, that hit hard.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I was like, man, I put in all this fucking work. I don't need this chicken nor waffle.
SPEAKER_00Like, well, you think about it when you the one thing that I think about when you mentioned that was, you know, when we first started 293 Co. And when I was doing a lot of uh poetry, yeah, you know, and doing shows and everything. And when we had the guy from the organization, I ain't gonna even name the organization, and where we pretty much got rejected when it came to, you know, the final show. They rejected us. And the thing of it is, is that like it made us feel some type of way. You know what I'm saying? Because we looking at it like, wow, you came to us to help us get your organization fluent for the weekend because it was a huge event for kids. But then when it came to the final of like the show and the organization getting grants and stuff like that, we got rejected for even being a part of it. So, you know, for us it was like a huge slap in the face. We knew right then this no longer served our purpose. We know our worth, we out. But
Grants, Creative Rejection, And Being Used
SPEAKER_00it was a huge rejection.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Oh, that was, I remember you and the guy was debating.
SPEAKER_00It was a tough pill to swallow because, you know, everything that we did in that moment, we did it because you know what? Yes, this is something that is very important to us, but also, you know, to be able to see kids grow into their own, talking about their mental health needs and stuff like that and being vulnerable, you know, it was cool to be a part of that. But you needed us and then rejected us at the end when you got what you needed. Right, absolutely. You know what I'm saying? So it was just like for us, it was motivation for us to be like, you know what, we need to do our own thing. Because once somebody sees where you're going with something, they want to be a part of it until they no longer need you.
SPEAKER_01Well, they try to take ideas and do all that stuff. But I mean with that rejection, you just sometimes you gotta ask yourself when you get rejected, okay. Well, first of all, have compassion for yourself. Because I ain't gonna lie, rejection does hit hard. Sometimes depends on what it is going for, right? So sometimes you gotta have compassion and look back and say, okay, well, I did feel this way, you know, I'm I'm connecting with that, right? And then it's like, okay, what's the what's a different way I can get what
Self-Compassion And Closing Message
SPEAKER_01I need? Right. You know, because shit. But I got rejected for chicken and malafos. I was like, Whoa. And that's when I got that grant for right after that I did another grant. I got the grant for the office days. So I was just like, fuck it. You know, it works out. So rejection can be good and it it depends on how you look at it, and then also have compassion for yourself in a time of that. But a lot of you guys have to be get emotionally regulated. I mean, you gotta look at if you lash out being rejected or lash out because something didn't go your way, you're gonna have it has nothing to do with that person, that project, their thing, or whatever it may be. You're gonna have to sit back and look at yourself innerwise. Because if you can't deal with that and you can't emotionally regulate and just really put things together and say, okay, I got rejected. It's it's fine. I'll I'll still survive.
SPEAKER_00So no, you're absolutely right about that. And that's something that I'm still working on still to this day, because it's just like this. I be trying not to snap on people. You know what I'm saying? Because it's just like when you have a passion about something, but then you're seeing that like one thing that I won't do, and you might you might go and ask me some questions about this, but one thing that I won't do at my stage of life now is compete for something against somebody else. Oh, yeah. If you can't see that I've earned where I'm at and how hard I work and how consistent I've been and how loyal I've been to something, I'll always finish what I started. But trust and believe, once it's done and completed, you'll never see me again.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, absolutely. Absolutely. With that being said, we want to thank you guys for listening to the podcast. Please go tune in to Apple, iHeart. Uh, we're pretty much on the majority of the platforms. It's 293 Co. If you have any subject matter or anything you want to talk about, we're open to doing that and open to hearing. That being said, enjoy. Peace.